How to Disguise A Nasty Hangover: A Gal’s Morning-After Tutorial
Your eyes slide open, and an invisible sledgehammer slams you in the forehead. Water. I need water. And who forgot to shut the blinds??? There's broken glass on the floor, you slept in your jeans. You shudder to think what your face must look like right now. A cadaver, most likely. A gargoyle.
We've all been there. The morning after the hangover fairy paid you an unwelcome visit and swapped the wild night you spent with nausea, a migraine and under-eye bags the size of goose down pillows. You have the physical capabilities of a two day-old corpse. You have the stomach of Tiny Tim. And you have work in forty-five minutes. Perfect.
Inconveniently, no amount of black coffee or anti-inflammatories will rectify your dehydrated skin, greasy hair and overall h-to-t disarray by the time you have to be at the office. At this rate, everyone from the janitor to the boss man will be able to tell you exceeded your limits last night, and can't keep it together. Face palm. More ibuprofen.
But hope is not lost. Thanks to a special panel of operatives, the end to your ugly mornings after is nigh. Enter: the hangover squad -- Kevin Gassman, Elizabeth Denton and Tiffanie Petett, a stylish team with 30+ years of experience among them in hair, fashion and beauty respectively. You have hangover problems; they have solutions.
The fashion problem: Everything hurts, and you don't have the strength to wear something fashionable, but you can't look like a slob. You also can't find any socks.
The solution: "You want to look comfortable without looking sloppy," style guide Elizabeth advises. "The idea is not to wear anything too fussy [aka, anything that could possibly connote 'walk of shame'] like strapless bras or too-short skirts." Elizabeth says that when in doubt, "err on the classic side." Skinny black pants and a (clean) blouse are solid options. "This is not the day to take a fashion risk."
Heels are generally also a hangover no-no. "Luckily, sneakers are really on trend right now,” Elizabeth continues. “I would wear my Gap leopard-print slip-ons, so there's no risk of an overtired stumble.” Wise words. And no socks necessary.
The hair problem: It's greasy and tangled. No time to wash it. What's descending from your scalp looks like the untimely lovechild of Beethoven and Marilyn Manson.
The solution: “Lots of bangs,” says hair master Kevin. If you’ve got fringe, the morning after is a great day to let it down to hang stylishly over your tired eyes.
In lieu of (and probably also in addition to) bangs, a convenient technique is to use a spritz of hair powder (the Bumble and Bumble brand stuff is great), which Kevin says is very popular in styling right now. Hair powder works in a similar way to dry shampoo, where you spray it onto greasy roots to suck up the oil, brush it out, and all the sudden your hair will look nice and clean.
If you’ve got another sixty seconds to spare, apply a quick spray of thickening “Dryspun Finish” to add volume and curl. Lucky for the hungover among us, big, full hair is very in vogue at the moment. “All the women in New York are wearing their hair really big now,” says Kevin. “Spray the dryspun on your roots, massage it in, and your hair will sit up higher. Then, spray it on your ends, and it will make your hair’s natural wave bond a little bit more and stand out.” Two products, five minutes, no tools and your hair will look clean and trendy. Does that read hangover to you? Hardly.
The face problem: Dark puffy under-eye circles, blood shot corneas, dehydrated skin. An inability to smile.
The solution: First off, beauty guru Tiffanie recommends exfoliating your skin with a hydrating product. The goal, after all, is to look as far from dried out and dirty as possible.“Whether you use a Clarisonic or a cream cleanser with microbeads, exfoliating can help buff away dull skin and instantly create a radiant glow to your face,” Tiffanie says. “Plus, anything that helps your skin feel squeaky clean post a night of dancing and pub crawling is sure to make you at least feel more confident in public.”
Next, to keep your eyes bright and to get rid of dark circles, Tiffanie recommends BareMinerals Well Rested Face and Eye Brightener – a sheer mineral-infused concealer that comes in a convenient little pen. “It's a genius product that instantly brightens your face and works on all skin types,” Tiffanie says.
As for the rest of your face, you’ll want to give your skin a little bit of a break. “I like to keep the eye makeup to a minimum and add a bright lip color to take the attention away from under eye bags,” says style expert Elizabeth. Clean skin, Tiffanie’s magic concealer, a flick of mascara and a bold lip. Doable.
Hope this helps, ladies. Of course the best solution? Drink responsibly.